So I have just moved into my own home, my first home I have bought myself to live in all by myself. The past two days I have been moving stuff out of my rented place and into my new home. Leading up to the move I was very excited, a new start in my life and total indepedence, all achieved from my own doing. On the actual day of the move I became really apprehensive about it all, I think because I am now truly going it alone. Now I don’t mean that in a way that you end of feeling sorry for me, but what I am trying to explain is that this is the first time that where I am and what I have, I have worked for and earned through good and bad times. I consider myself very lucky and I think sometimes it takes you be surprise what you have and what you have achieved so far in life.

Yesterday my new home was littered with filled boxes, empty boxes, polystyrene and general rubbish everywhere. My life was either in a box or bin bag. This really got to me and I felt quite lonely and wondered if I had made the right decision. I couldn’t sleep that night and the cat was in a right mood with me for putting him in the cat carrier and moving him. In the morning I decided to start making my way through the unpacking rather than go to the gym and this did me the world of good. I got quite a bit sorted before I had to visit the horse and then head off to Wigan for posing practise.

Posing practise was great and I picked up lots of tips correcting my pose. When I saw the corrected poses I looked more professional and graceful, yet at the same time I looked too heavy and not lean enough as I should be. I know the reason for this and its because I haven’t been able to stay on track with my diet. A stupid as an excuse this sounds, I feel like my head has been pulled in so many directions dealing with big changes at work, my personal life and trying to prep.

So on my way back from posing practise I decide to allow myself to just relax today and focus on getting the house sorted to a point were I get up and can get into the kitchen without having to navigate boxes and bin bags. So that is what I have done all day today. My kitchen and living room is sorted, I need to paint but its not urgent. The rooms are at a state were I can relax and enjoy my home. My bedroom and bathroom still needs things like furniture but they are tidy. So I did enjoy a small glass of wine and a healthy spaghetti bolognese as a ‘welcome to your new home’ and ‘you did it, you came from nothing and achieved independence – girl power and all that jazz’.

I do need to speak to my coach who has just achieved 4th place at the NAC worlds earning invites to Miss Universe later on this year. I need her help to get my head back in the game. I am not sure if I have done too much damage or if that’s just me being negative because I am feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment. Tomorrow I get up at 5:30am and get to the gym and get my routine back. I have prepped my food tonight and hopefully I can pull out all the stops to make it to the IBFA final in 4 weeks with a decent looking body. If I have to work harder than last time then so be it – no excuses now.