So Sunday is a rest day for me so no weight training. I was going to do a shoulder workout but then thought I best stick to my plan and not mess things up – I have already messed enough up as it is. I started the day with a trip to the household waste site to get rid of the millions of boxes I had acquired moving and buying new things for the house. Then straight on to the stables to muck out and bring the horse in (he stays out at night). Back home for breakfast and a strong coffee.

Had my next meal and then headed off to buy paint and a bin – I realise whilst writing this that my Sunday was not as exciting or action packed as I hoped it would be. Popped in to see my friend Lisa doing a car boot sale, a nice leopard print coat caught my eye but I already have one and need to calm down on the animal prints otherwise I will end up looking like Bet Lynch off Coronation Street.

Off to the gym for an hours cardio session on the treadmill listening to some old school tunes. I increased my speed today and made sure that I produced enough sweat that no one would want to come anywhere near me. I didn’t want to be distracted whilst working out, I just wanted to get my mind back on it and focus on my goal.

Back home for my next meal and my friend Martina popped round with her mum to see my new home. After they had gone I had another meal and then slept for an hour – I must have needed it as I feel asleep straight away and really didn’t want to get up. Went back to the stables and went for a gallop in the fields on the horse. This always cheers me up and helps me clear my head as I just forget about the rubbish that is spinning around up there. I make a lot of important decisions when riding the horse or just being with th horse at the stables, he has quite a calming affect on me which helps me see things for what they truly are and make a good decision on what to do next. Maybe I should rent out a stable to live in, I might be more relaxed then.

I bought a slow cooker today and have been cooking my fish in it all day, it looks very tasty and has retained a lot of the water. It’s so easy to use, just whack some stuf in with water and spices, switch it on and go. I don’t now why I have been putting it off for so long. So tomorrow I will weigh out all my meals for the week and then I have no excuse to not follow my diet. I also have a new blackboard wall chart o I can track my daily progress weight and training wise. I have decided that if i manage to stay on track and get to the finals I will treat myself to some unicorn leggings for the gym.

I forgot to mention in my blog yesterday that I have managed to cause a number of injuries whilst moving house. I sliced open my fingers with my new kitchen knives, scratched all my arms and bashed my shins which are now covered in bruises, head butted the washing machine by mistake and trapped my little finger in the horse box partition. Said finger is now sticking out at a funny angle, very swollen and I can’t use it

When I woke up this morning I did my usual checks in the mirror and although I have gained what I consider to be a lot of weight, I don’t look too bad. I think I created this mental image that I had become completely rounded and lost all my muscles – this is how screwed up my brain has been over the past couple of weeks. I know I have to get my head down now and push so hard to get my body in a decent place for the finals. I am ready to do this but the same question keeps on popping up in my head, ‘is it worth it?’ The stress and turmoil I might have to go through for a final that I am doing for experience alone, I wont place as the quality of ladies who have qualified is unbelievable. So do I just re-evaluate were I am and get back on track for the goal of competing later on in the year or push myself possibly to the extreme to go on stage in four weeks? I will see how I look by this Friday and what Sandi thinks and assess my mental state and take it from there. I know I sound defeatist but sometimes you have to apply a touch of realism to situations in order to understand what your next steps should be.

After a very serious section let’s finish with Facebook ‘Friend’ message of the day;

‘Friend’: I know you don’t know me but I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s disturbing my brain. I need you

‘Friend’: We can spend all day in bed together. I really need you to respond to this message 

BLOCKED

‘Friend’: Hey want to bounce on this?

Blocked before a picture of his genitals is sent through. Happy Sunday everyone.