The hardest decision I have had to make

This week has possibly tested me in more ways than I ever thought was possible. The pressure at work has been immense, I am on the countdown to my operation and last night I had to say goodbye to my little buddy Mabel my cat who has been with me through thick and thin over the past 16 years.

During the week my stress levels have been high throughout but I have not broken diet, I have not gone wild and started comfort eating and my training has been awesome too. I had my mid week check-in with Sandi on Wednesday and was still feeling positive about diet, training and how am I looking even though I have had a lot on this week. On Friday I had a flapjack at work and did not panic, I did not then go wild and eat everything in sight and I did not feel guilty or beat myself up about it. I had a chocolate bar yesterday (a small regular size one) as I wanted one and again I did not go wild.

I feel like I have turned a corner and although it is only the first week of not going mental and staying in control, I feel better and stronger for it. My coach and friends have been very supportive and since my last post I have had quite a few messages from people thanking me for being honest and writing about what I am going through. I have also had loads of compliments this week from friends and strangers and that has been a real boost. I am learning to appreciate my ever growing boulder shoulders and understand that this is what I want and its ok to not look like the girls in Zumba.

I was due to have a photo shoot today for some of my sponsors but unfortunately I had to make the hardest decision I have had to make last night and I had to say goodbye to my little buddy, my cat Mabel. He and I escaped from my not so good life in Liverpool and started up together in Yorkshire after I finished university. It sounds stupid as I am talking about a cat, but having him their throughout all the bad and good times in my life means that in my eyes there was a bond between us. He was 16 years old and unfortunately developed a blood clot quite quickly last night and I had to rush him to the vets. This cat did everything with me, when I had a shower he would sit on the bath mat waiting, when I went to the loo he would use his litter tray, he knew what time bed time was and would get into bed with me and then be staring at me like a maniac in the morning desperate for his breakfast. The house is empty and quiet, its breaking my heart looking at his things in the house so I think I will have to take some time to tidy them up and think back on happy memories. To take my mind off it a bit I am going to support my friends at a Strong Man competition today and then go out for tea with my friend Martina. I should get his ashes in a weeks time so am trying to find a suitable container to put them in.

Here is the last two photos I took of the little beaut;