I woke up today feeling terrible, quite sad and disgusted at how my body looked in the mirror. All morning I was mulling over the idea of pulling out of the final as I don’t think I am going to look good enough. To me (and this might sound crazy) my body looks completely different and my muscles look fuller but overall I just look bulky. I know that not much time has passed but having a good week off my prep diet has totally changed things or maybe I am starting with prep brain early and I am totally crazy at just over 5 weeks out.

Fasted cardio was on the treadmill and I actually started to struggle in the abs class for the first time. So I think that means that this abs stuff is working – I suppose we will find out as I start to lean out.

Today was a full day of carbs and I cant believe I am going to write this but I was too full to finish all meals (I feel slightly disgusted that I have just written that but you know damn well tomorrow I will be ravenous).

Today Phil (who is 1 foot taller than me) and I bonded over some beard trimming. Now you would think that we would be trimming his beard but oh no, it was my one and only blonde beard hair that was being removed using the biggest scissors and at my desk at work – I have no shame.

I remained in a fairly pleasant mood and started to think about how I felt this morning later on in the day. I have come to the conclusion that I will continue busting my ass with training and being strict with my diet and see how I feel and look in two weeks time.

I rode my horse for the first time in ages tonight and he was fab. He is so clever, he doesn’t forget anything he has been taught and tries really hard when we go in the arena. Below is a little picture of us tonight (he is covered in poo and does need a bath – that’s on the to do list)

The sock thing going on in the picture is what all the kids are doing so that makes me cool.

Training tonight was chest and triceps followed by an hours walking on the treadmill. I normally don’t like training chest, but this new workout Sandi has given me is brilliant. I really enjoyed tonight session and I know I will be feeling it tomorrow, but it was a really varied plan and challenged me and kept my focus. Had a quick glimpse in the mirrors in the changing rooms afterwards and I still didn’t see anything I liked, but will keep going and hopefully things will start to change.

To finish off the blog we will review today’s Best New FaceBook ‘Friend’ message;

‘Hey you look really strong. I would like to test my strength against you, maybe a wrestle or a tit on tit fight’

Whatever the hell a tit on tit fight is I don’t know. So if anyone reading this does please tell me. This new friend is apparently female and is into fitness. So maybe this is a new form of Crossfit.

Let’s hope tomorrow my mood is improved. I am sending my photos and weight to Sandi so I will take it from there once I get her feedback.