Got another good nights sleep – I am on a roll with this now. But I woke up really early, 5:30am to be precise so I decided to go out for walk for my fasted cardio. That was possibly the best idea I have had all weekend as the fresh air and just walking somewhere different, taking in the different views really brightened me up even more so when I saw this at the side of me;

They stood and stared at me for a few minutes and just casually walked off, I didn’t realise we had deer on our doorstep. Got back home and decided to go and sort the horse out before breakfast for two reasons, firstly I can avoid having to try and make conversation at the stables because at the moment nothing makes sense what I say and I am quite moody most of the time. Secondly, I then get the opportunity to sit down and slowly eat and enjoy my breakfast with a nice big coffee instead of having to rush it.

So after breakfast you guessed it, snooze time. I drifted in and out of sleep till around 11 and then had another meal and another sleep before dragging myself out of bed and going to the gym. Normally on a Sunday no one uses the studio, so as I turn up with my short shorts on which are like bloomers on me now (god I was chunky) and a vest top, I decide to take the opportunity to roll everything up so I can see as many muscles (if they are there) as possible. So vest rolled up into a bra top and shorts folded up into my waist band with knickers and arse hanging out. Tunes on, heels on and posing practise time it was. The two poor girls who then entered the studio to do some HIIT training were not expecting to see a practically half naked woman posing in stripper heels trying to sing along to Lady Gaga but failing because posing takes all your strength and breath that its totall impossible, so you just end up wheezing once you have finished that pose. I explain what I am doing and all is well with the world. I spent a good 45 minutes posing and boy could I feel it in my back later on that day.Quickly hopped on the treadmill for a 45 minute walk on an incline and that’s when the emotion roller coaster started. Around 5 minutes into my walking I am crying, actually sobbing my heart out not caring if anyone can see. A couple of minutes later and I am smiling to myself and all is forgotten.

I get home and decide to clean out Mouse (my car) as she now contains more hay and straw than my horses stable. My housemate is in the living room and I decide that I feel positive enough to engage in conversation without getting cranky with him or wanting to steal the food he is eating. It happens again, I just start crying and have to go and put the kettle on. He realised what was happening so changed the subject quite swiftly which helped me calm down. The next thing is we are all having a laugh, I feel quite cheery and the crying moment is but a distant memory.

Another meal down and another nap in the bag. To change things up I decide to go on a walk into town as my last thing I do before going to sleep (and obviously writing my blog). I am still feeling quite energetic and motivated, so off I trot in the rain wrapped up within an inch of my life as I am freezing at the moment and I am crying whilst walking down the main road to the next town. God only knows what the motorists must have thought driving past me. A few minutes later and I am fine again. So on my journey back home I try to workout exactly why I have been feeling like this today and I think its down to the fact that it has dawned on me that I have been working hard for so long now and all my efforts are paying off and will be on display in 6 days. It’s not a nervous thing, its the sense of accomplishment that I am finding so overwhelming at the moment. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not going on that stage perfect, far from it. I know I have work to do in my next 12 months of training, but I have gone from unfit and overweight to competing in my first body building competition in under a year. I think I will probably get worse in the next couple of days whilst I try to process it and then I will be buzzing ready to hit the stage, and possibly about 2 hours before I go on I will turn into a nervous wreck and probably have a meltdown 🙂