Couldn’t get to sleep and woke up early, possibly the worst combination ever. However, I went to the gym and completed my cardio on the treadmill, performing my routine in the last 10 minutes and a spot of posing practise. I even managed to take a phone call from Kerin who was on some random cardio machine behind me asking me if I will dye her hair for her tomorrow. Took my latest photos, and if I am honest I looked bloody awful in the pictures but didn’t mind too much as I felt really lean when I woke up. My weight has gone up by 1.2lbs but this seems to happen the day after a full day of carbs and then my weight drops back down a couple of days later. So I didn’t get disheartened when I got on the scales, I didn’t get upset when I looked at my photos and I looked bloody awful (nothing like someone who is competing as a body builder in 2 weeks time) and headed off to work in a pretty good mood.

Absolutely ravenous when I got to work, so its head down not making eye contact with anyone until my protein porridge is secured in my stomach ready for digesting. I must look like a deranged manic in the mornings at work when I am starving but thankfully most people who value their lives leave me to it until I have eaten – I bet they cant wait until I am back on a normal diet and not on this crazy prep diet. Not even 30 minutes after eating my breakfast and my stomach is swollen, guts churning and I am in absolute agony. The same IBS symptoms as last night. I manage to get through a conference call with and then just have to find a comfortable position to sit in at my desk whilst I take some tablets to help with the pain. Things start to calm down and at lunch Gary and I go for our usual walk. I am exhausted, puffing and panting trying to slowly complete our usual route. I get back and the walk has helped my situation which results in me spending some quality time in the toilets for about 20 minutes – too much information I know but sharing is caring. I feel some much better so eat some more food and no more pain, I feel like I am over it and its just a little blip. How wrong was I. The pain is back but I am also getting hungrier. Then to make things worse, Gary reveals possibly the biggest oatmeal cookie I have ever seen in my life. It was that big, that Phil (who is 1 foot taller than me) couldn’t even hide it shielding it with his own body. This make me realise how hungry I am and I am actually close to tears, not silly little ‘oh i just want to eat bad food’ tears but nearly close to sobbing like some catastrophe had occurred. I am too exhausted to try and complete the day as a normal Friday with training after work and decide it best to sort the horse out and just go home to bed.

My fabulous friends at the stables looked after me as I turned up still in pain and probably looking like I have just been dug up. At home I get a shed load of water and take it to my bedroom just missing my housemate and whatever nice food he will be consuming and lie in bed just chilling watching a film.

Today has been a struggle, hopefully tomorrow I will have more energy and will not struggle as much due to resting instead of training. I was so close to just eating whatever I could find, I nearly stopped at a shop on the way home, but I didn’t. This is the last push and its probably going to be a bit more difficult towards the end of next week as I go into my last week before comp. Eyes on the prize which is no more starvation, exhaustion and having my life back to hit this process properly next time. That’s what I need to keep on reminding myself.